Mbah Kiai Abdul Manan prohibits himself from polygamy

One of the reasons coming to the mind of a polygamist is a personal reason as happened to Prophet Ibrahim (PBUH) for being requested by his first wife, Siti Sarah. Prophet Ibrahim fulfilled the request by marrying Siti Hajar until the birth of Prophet Ismail (PBUH) from the womb of the second wife. The request was motivated by the fact that until his age reached more than 80 years, Prophet Ibrahim has not been blessed with a child. This case is similar to what happened to Mbah Kiai Abdul Mannan Solo, Central Java. The difference is that he refused the wife's request for polygamy.

Mbah Kiai Abdul Mannan is one of the founders of Pondok Pesantren Al-Muayyad Mangkyudan Surakarta, founded in the 1930s. He is the father of Mbah Kiai Ahmad Umar Abdul Mannan leading the pesantren until he died in 1981.

Mbah Kiai Abdul Mannan's refusal to practice polygamy even if asked by his wife Mbah Nyai Mushlihah herself is because he never wanted polygamy even though he was married three times.

His marriage to the first wife ended with an unavoidable mufaraqah. His marriage to the second wife ended when the wife preceded her death. His marriage to his third wife, Mbah Nyai Mushlihah, lasted until Mbah Mbah Kiai Abdul Mannan died in 1964. While Mbah Nyai Mushlihah herself died in 1981 a few weeks before the death of Mbah Kiai Ahmad Umar.

The question is that why Mbah Nyai Mushlihah asked to be in polygamous relationships and why Mbah Kiai Abdul Mannan rejected it?

Based on the narrative of one of Mbah Kiai Abdul Mannan's daughters, Mbah Ngismatun Sakdullah Solo-popularly called Mbah Ngis (d. 1994) -Mbah Nyai Mushlihah frankly appealed to Mbah Kiai Abdul Mannan as her husband to remarry with the reason because she felt old and was no longer able to fulfill her duty to serve a husband-wife relationship after menopause. Indeed, women who have menopause in general have many changes that cause loss of sexual passion and decreased the ability to have sex and if forced it could cause discomfort both physically and psychologically.

So the reason for the request of Mbah Nyai Mushlihah to Mbah KH Abdul Mannan for polygamy is personal as the demand of Siti Sarah to Prophet Ibrahim. Just the difference is that, Siti Sarah has not been blessed with a child, while Mbah Nyai Mushlihah has been blessed with children who born alone more than 6 people including Mbah Ngis. For that reason, Mbah Nyai Mushlihah willing to propose whoever selected by Mbah Kiai Abdul Mannan to be married with the intention that the rights of Mbah Kiai Abdul Mannan as a husband could still be fulfilled because the male sexual libido could survive longer.

Although Mbah Kiai Abdul Mannan realized that his wife OKs for polygamy, he did refuse the request because basically he did not want polygamy. Of course there are several reasons that in essence it is aimed at avoiding possible harm than its usefulness. Polygamy certainly has the potential of generating enmity and hostility among wives and children as Siti Sarah envies Siti Hajar and is unkind. Though his presence as a second wife is due to the request of Siti Sarah herself.

Choosing Fasting

Among the pesantren are known three kiai typologies, namely kiai 'alim, kiai' abid and kiai 'arif. Simply speaking, kiai 'alim is a knowledgeable kiai with widespread religious knowledge and committed to teaching religious sciences such as in pesantren or majlis  ta'lim (religious gatherings). Kiai 'abid is a kiai littered fully with worship services and spending much of his time and energy in worshiping Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala. While kiai 'arif is a prominent kiai littered fully with hikmah and many riadhah so that he becomes a wise figure. Mbah Kiai Abdul Mannan is more prominent as kiai 'arif.

Mbah Kiai Abdul Mannan in addressing his personal problems with Mbah Nyai Mushlihah who had "asked for retirement" from the task of serving the mattress rather than divorce his wife then married again under the pretext of avoiding adultery. Male sexual appetite does continue to live for life as long as it is still in the body. But polygamy is not the only way to overcome personal problems in the form of lust. There is another way, ie fasting, as the hadith of the Prophet (PBUH)  as narrated by Bukhari and Muslim: "Fasting is a shield of lust."

The way of fasting is deliberately chosen by Mbah Kiai Abdul Mannan in finding the best solution to overcome the problem of lust when Mbah Nyai Mushlihah Abdul Mannan is no longer able meet her obligations because of age. Mbah Kiai Abdul Mannan is able to answer the question of law (fiqih) with moral (moral) answer which of course is more noble because fasting is the only worship for Allah and He himself will reply as mentioned in a hadith qudsi narated by Bukhari: "All human charity is his, except the fast, he is indeed mine and I will repay."

Muhammad Ishom, lecturer at the Universitas Nahdlatul Ulama (UNU) Surakarta